Hi Miss T.N. King! I have been dating this guy for 2 years. He says he loves me and that he wants to be with me. The problem is he is a exterminator works everyday except on Sundays. He hardly ever makes time for me. We only see each other and go out in Friday's basically. Every time I ask him to do something with me he says he has his kids and no babysitter. His kids are ages 17, 15 and 12 and they are at his house every weekend. Also, I use to go to his house every other night and it has been about a year since I've been back. He said his mom let her sister move in with her kids and it's too many people there--so, that's why he haven't invited me over. His place is in the basement part of the house, actually a full apartment furnished. Also, I noticed during the holidays he never takes me around. He says he has his kids and he's not ready to allow them to meet anyone. Even on Sweetest day and Valentine's Day he claims he's trying to find a sitter for his kids. I fail to believe him. I'm tired of lingering on, but I really like him. Help, tough situation..
Tired of Lingering On
Hey Tired of Lingering On,
Thanks so much for writing me! Can I keep it real with you? Please don't take this the wrong way. With regrets, I must inform you that you ARE the side chick! Seriously, this man you claim to be dating isn't dating you--he's using you and playing you like a game of chess!
His children are ages 17, 15, and 12. They are too old for the kid's menu, so what makes you think they need a BABY sitter?! Seriously, I want you to take the time to really THINK about the things he tells you and ponder if they make LOGICAL sense. I'm not picking at you because I think every person has accepted an "excuse" that made absolutely no sense. You get so caught up in the love/like of a person, you begin to lose your intelligence and common sense. You believe EVERYTHING they tell you. Never allow yourself to become "stupid in love"--you're only hurting yourself.
A man that is SERIOUS about you will find REASONS to be with you and not EXCUSES. He will let it be known with his words AND actions. If neither aligns, he IS a LIAR--run, Run, RUN as fast as you can! Two years is PLENTY of time to introduce someone to your children IF you are serious about them. The real reason why he hasn't invited you over, took you out on holidays, and introduced you to his children is because he is not that into you. He's probably getting serious and dating other women.
Trust your intuition in this situation--you've already stated that you don't believe him. And you're right, you shouldn't.
The best thing you can do for yourself is let go of this man who is not deserving of your time, energy, body, and emotions. You deserve so much more than what you're settling for. Be strong and kick this peasant to the curb!