Dear KING,I've been talking to this guy for the last 3 years and January will be the start of our 4th year talking. It bothers me that for this long time I've allowed myself to get so emotionally attached to this man. He's met my family but I've never met his (except his grandmother). We've never been out on a date and he keeps promising he's going to take me out but it never happens. One day we got into an argument about me and him not being in a relationship and he flipped the script saying "baby you know some people talk for 6 years before they get married". I was utterly lost because how can we get married if we don't even have a relationship!? I don't talk to anyone other than him and he doesn't talk to anyone other than me so I assume. We support each other with everything, we buy each other gifts and stuff, we've even cried together at one point. But as time goes on I find myself losing interest because this is not the man I imagined for myself, this is not what I feel I should be settling for. I've tried to stop talking to him so many times, I've prayed to God begging for him to remove him from the equation in my life but yet he's been here for 3 years. It feels as if me and him are getting nowhere in life, we're still doing things and having arguments about things from last year. Things get better for a short period of time then they just hit rock bottom again. I'm disappointed in myself for letting it get this far honestly and I've ran out of options. From one Queen to a young princess who is lost in the moment what do you suggest I do?
Hey "Three Years"
What do I suggest for you to do? CUT HIS ASS LOOSE. Snip Snip, chop chop--BYE BYE BOO!! That's EXACTLY what I think you should do and here's why...
1. He's wasting your time. Seriously exactly WHAT has he offered you these past 3, almost 4 years? Absolutely nothing. Not a commitment or even a simple date. The reason he has not made any type of investment in you is because he has no intentions. For example, if you want a Toyota, you're not going to purchase a Honda. You may test drive that Honda, maybe even get one as a rental car. But when you're ready to actually make a car purchase with the intentions of ownership, you will not purchase that Honda. You're going to save and invest in that Toyota. In simplest terms Queen, you're not the Toyota aka the one for him. And guess what!? You should be HAPPY you aren't the one for him because (point #2)
2. He's full of shit. "Baby you know some people talk for 6 years before they get married" HA! Those are words from an "ain't shit man"! You should've RAN when he told you that lol--no seriously! It does not take a man 6 years of talking to decide if he wants to get in a relationship or marry you. Also, you are not the only person he's talking to so please stop assuming that you are. I can guarantee you he is out there talking to other women and even taking them out on dates. How do I know? Because (Look at #3)
3. He's just not that into you. I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you deserve honesty. You haven't met his family because he doesn't see you as someone for the long term. Therefore it's no point in bringing you around them. You cried together--so what! You buy each other gifts/stuff--so what! You show support--so what! None of those things mean anything at the end of the day if his actions toward you are showing you that he has no genuine intentions with you. Stop magnifying the small/insignificant stuff. People have the tendency of taking one small act & running it (Yes, I am guilty of doing this before so I'm not picking at you!). A guy can call you at night and you automatically think "Wow! He thought about me before he went to bed. He must like me!" In reality, he just called you because he really had a question he needed to ask you or something he wanted to tell you.
Young Princess, you deserve so much more. This man is not all of that & a bag of chips so stop holding on to him like he is. You're wasting your precious time and energy on someone who has no real intentions and purpose.
Now once and if you give him the boot, I think you should..
1. Take time to heal. Three years is a long time to be involved with someone. It's natural to feel sad and hurt. Therefore it's important that you face those feelings and heal.
2. Take time to love yourself and discover your worth. You've allowed yourself to be in that situationship for such a long time because you felt like you deserved it. We accept the treatment we think we deserve. I want you to start loving yourself so much that you wouldn't dare to accept anything that devalues your worth. It's not going to be an easy journey. But guess what? So many women and men, including myself, have healed from situationships. And guess what? There's BETTER fish in the sea! (Which leads me to #3).
3. Take time to enjoy life and other options. Once you've done #1-2, don't be afraid to get back out there and explore the dating scene. But this time around, don't make the same mistakes and apply the lessons you've learned from this situation.
Best wishes to you!
Miss T.N. King