Dear KING, My BF (boyfriend) and I are having serious problems. People say I'm a whore, hoe, or THOT and I have never been one at all. They say things like that because of who I hung around and because guys would start rumors when they can't get with me. And my BF believes them over me. He disrespects me all the time, throw things in my face, and talks about other females in front of me. He's 25, still lives with his mother and he's a bad boy. He always in the streets. He's a drug dealer. He has no job. He has a 2 year old child and his baby mom is a pain in the neck. My family doesn't like him and other people are telling me to dump him. Even guys who want me back or guys that want to date me are telling me they'll treat me better then him. But I don't know why I can't leave him alone.... I'm just so drawn to him. I know my family is mad at me, but i don't know why I can't let go. I know I have to do what's best for me and move on and better my life because if I stay with him, I'll be stuck. However, when I'm not with him , I feel lonely. Please help me. I just need the courage to love myself first I can't let him keep disrespecting me. He say he love me but his actions speak otherwise. I need your help. Get back to me when u get a chance. Thanks for a lending ear. :)
Stuck on the Bad Boy
Dear "Stuck on the Bad Boy",
Thanks so much for writing me! Your situation is crazy because I can relate to you in so many ways. I've had rumors started about me that were completely false & created by men who WISH they could have me. I've had false accusations from my ex when he really was out playing around, not me. Trust me when I say, I've been with losers & couldn't leave them alone because "I loved them".
Here is why you can't leave him alone: Either..
1. You believe one day he will change. You see his potential--on surface everyone sees this reckless bad boy, but deep down you see that he has a softer, loving side. So you stay around, hoping one day he will change, and he will honor you because you stuck it out & "held him down".
2. You believe that this is what you deserve. You don't believe deep down you are truly a Queen who is more precious than rubies and wonderfully created by the Most High. You believe there's no better men out there. You're scared to walk away because it's so much easier to be in a relationship than to be single and alone.
Sis, let me tell you right now--YOU CAN NOT BUILD or CHANGE A MAN. There's 3 billion man on the planet, and you are CHOOSING to be disrespected by a grown BOY (because he is NOT a man) who can't even provide for himself, let alone have a legal career, has baby mama drama and probably out there cheating on you (because a guilty conscience ALWAYS ACCUSES the innocent). Now how silly does that sound!?!?!
Furthermore, how can you expect a man to love you, do right by you, respect you, and treat you like a Queen when YOU don't even love, respect, and view yourself as a Queen!?!?! You could leave him, but guess what you're going to go back to him or either find another peasant to settle down with because you fail to recognize your own worth!
It's obvious that you need to end the relationship with him. When you do, cut EVERYTHING off (communication, sex, dates, etc). Then take some time out for yourself--date yourself and give yourself the type of treatment that you deserve. You must start learning to love you and treat yourself like a Queen! You deserve it. Then, when you truly believe in your HEART that you are a Queen, when you've adjusted your standards to be more "Queen-like" and when you carry yourself like a Queen, then you will be ready to date other Kings who can actually offer you something other than drama, headaches, and disrespect!
Let go of the bad boy, "ride or die" fantasy--bad boys will give you BURDENS, not blessings! The thrill of dating them won't be so thrilling when you are attached to him for life because he gave you a baby, maybe an STD, or if he get's shot dead or locked up. There's plenty of GOOD MEN out here who can still provide you with real mental stimulation and excitement without the excess drama, disrespect & disappointment.
Oh and ignore those hating peasants who lie on you!! The higher you go up, the more people will try to bring you down! Take it as a compliment and keep it movin! :-)
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Disclaimer: The views expressed on this post are mine alone. I am not a licensed professional, and any advice I give is purely my experienced opinion.