I felt like the dumbest girl in the world. The Universe presented me with a good man who pursued me endlessly (I will reference him as “Sean”). Sean consistently courted me with respect and set marital intentions. He was intelligent, attractive, successful and caring. What differentiated him from some of the other guys I had been seeing was his level of commitment and certainty about me. He told me from the beginning that he was going to marry me. And to top it off, he would walk the walk when he talked the talk. Sean was good “on paper” and he treated me well. Logically, it made sense to be with him. However, deep down, I felt like something was missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it.Read More
I remember one weekend I decided to clean my closet and switch out my wardrobe in preparation for the winter. I just knew I didn't have anything and was ready to have an excuse to shop. As I started digging through my drawers and closet, I was shocked at how much stuff I had. I found things that still had the price tag on them. I found cute items that I forgot about and haven't worn in years. The things I thought I lost "magically" appeared. Side note: Don't you love finding things when you aren't looking for them? Now I won't lie, I came across some items that were too small, unflattering, and needed to get thrown out. But once I removed the things that no longer fit me and re-assessed my wardrobe, I realized lacked nothing. I already possessed everything I needed to get through this season.
I felt compelled to share this simple story because I see so many people including myself searching for the pieces they already have. And as a result, we waste our time, money and energy pursuing things we don't need.Read More
Have you ever driven a car with a full tank of gas and the next minute you look down at the dashboard, you see that you're on E? That's what happened to me. One minute I was full of life, thriving and prospering on the road to destiny and the next minute I was empty. It wasn't a depressed or sad type of empty, but rather one where it felt like a piece of myself went away. I felt like my soul had abandoned me--I was going through the motions of life and operating separately from my true identity. I remember one day in particular I asked myself, "How is it possible that I had more peace when I was broke, unemployed, living with my parents, constantly receiving rejection after rejection letter? How is it possible for me to be living in my dream city, working for a great company, affording a great lifestyle, having a flourishing love life and yet feel so bare? How was the one who had nothing had everything and the one who had everything had nothing? How was it possible to have it all and still feel empty?"Read More
"Sometimes in life, your situation will keep repeating itself until you've learned your lesson."
I remember feeling shocked and disappointed as I was reading my diary entries from more than a year ago. Here I was still dealing with the same mess--situationships. More specifically, I kept falling for men who were emotionally unavailable to me. One minute we would be super close then the next minute they were "too busy" (cycle repeats). I found myself on the same emotional roller coaster, going back and forth between telling myself "we're just friends" to wondering "what are we?". I think one of the main reasons good quality Queens foolishly remain in situationships is the idea of "what if".
Everyone sees me, except you. Everyone sees our potential, except you. Everyone sees the sincerity of my heart, except you. Till this day I'll never know why you were blinded to a love so obvious, consistent and pure. Here you had a woman and close friend who's always had your back and would've done anything for you. My loyalty had no expiration and my support was unwavering. But despite me fitting the perfect mold of your ideal woman, you still didn't give us a real chance.Read More
"NO" is one of the most powerful, yet underused words in the dictionary. Perhaps you were once like me, a "yes woman". You go out your way to make others happy; you're overly accommodating. Sometimes you find yourself biting off more than you can chew. You try to please everyone, even at the risk of inconveniencing yourself. You prove your loyalty and support by always being there and saying "yes". You rarely say NO and the few times you say it, it would always be followed by the word "but". "No, BUT...*insert another way to overextend yourself*."
I don't know about you, but it seemed like the more I said "yes", the more I was taken for granted. I turned into a doormat. I felt powerless and unappreciated. I went from being the priority to the option. I was served grade A shit on a silver platter and expected to eat it (unfortunately, some days I did). And like a dusty pair of flared jeans from '07, I was just hanging in the closet waiting for him to put me on. Eventually I grew courage and developed the strength to say NO--sometimes HELL NO if I was really fed up. Then something magical happened: I was able to reclaim my power.Read More
I've spent my entire life under the assumption that one day I'll meet my King and become his Queen. I've spent all of my relationships putting forth endless effort--gluing broken pieces just to still have an ornament of love. I've spent my season of singleness trying to be a "virtuous" woman--remaining God-fearing, abstaining from sex for 4+ years, encouraging/uplifting others, loving without limits, being moral, etc. Then it finally hit me, "I'm doing all of this and I still may never find my life partner to share mutual love, romance, commitment and companionship. Is it even worth abstaining from sex in hopes of sharing a special moment with a man that may not exist? Does being the good girl really pay off?" To this very day, these type of questions haunt me. My last serious committed relationship ended 4 years ago. Never in a million years I thought I would remain a single woman for the next 4+ years, or not find someone who cares about me as much as I care about them. After all, I've always been considered a great catch--the good ones don't get left behind right? While I was in deep thought I asked myself, "What happens if you don't find your life partner in another 4 years, and then 4 more years after that, and so forth? How does life look for you? Will you hit rock bottom and act erratically because your prayers have remained unanswered? Will you settle for some man that you don't truly love for the sake of companionship? Will you let your self-confidence diminish and believe you're not enough?"Read More
For those who follow me on social media know that I recently accepted a new job at my dream company and will be relocating to my dream city, NYC. However, you didn't know that before these dreams were manifested, I was rejected not once but twice from my dream company. My faith in God was constantly tested. I almost gave up on everything. Oh, and I went to bed numerous times feeling confused, disappointed, and frustrated. I've been working in my career field for more than a year and a half. I didn't know that climbing up the totem pole would be a rigorous journey. Society makes it seem like once your foot is finally in the door (aka once you finally get a job), you can smoothly sail to the top. That's a lie. Truth is, the struggle never ends even after you get a job. In this post, I want to be very transparent about my rocky journey and how I still became victorious after experiencing rejection from my dreams. This is my story. I remember it like it was yesterday when they flew me out for my first interview. Everything felt so right. The people, the culture, the city--I knew in my heart this company was for me. In fact, in my personal journal I declared that this year I would gain employment with this specific company, relocate to NYC, and triple my compensation.Read More
Even I still have my freak out moments--moments where I begin to lose faith & patience. Even after God puts a vision in my heart & tells me "I will lead you to this, just trust me", I still fall short and try to take matters in my own hands. I begin to put my faith & trust into the things around me instead of the One who lives in me. If you've ever began to lose hope or grow weary while waiting on your "happily ever after"--whether that includes a career change, new relationship, promotion, new car, house, financial gain/increase, marriage, etc--remember: God is faithful, we are forgetful.Read More
Fighting sexual temptation is not easy at all. I've been doing it for almost 4 years. Though it's been a challenge and struggle at times, it's been a huge blessing for me. I can't think of a man that I regret not having sex with. When I look back on all the men I've dated these past few years, I don't think "Geez! I should've had sex with him. I made a huge mistake not giving him my body & making him 'another number'!" At the end of the day, when the "honeymoon phase" was over, I was able to see their true colors loud and clear. Withholding sex gave me better judgement and as a result it was easier for me to walk away from peasants. Now please don't get it twisted. I'm human--I get urges & have desires.Read More
PSA: Ladies, just because that man doesn't want you doesn't automatically mean something is wrong with you!
Remember: A peasant's appraiser is man. A Queen's appraiser is the Creator of man, God.
Man's rejection is God's protection. Sometimes God will blind your beauty & worth to a peasant to spare you from settling with someone who is undeserving. With that being said, always remain confident in WHO you are & WHOSE you are!Read More
Can't get over that man who seemed "so perfect" for you? Are you too busy trying to re-open doors that God already closed? Do you find yourself pursuing him and putting in too much effort? Do you struggle with letting go and going separate ways with someone you cared about?Read More
QTNA: What dating expectations are you willing to compromise? Is it their fashion/style? Looks? Bank Account? Height? Fitness/Physique? Hygiene? Personality traits? Etc? No person comes as a perfect package, so it's important for YOU to decide what you actually need vs. what you can compromise. I forgot to mention this in the video: we never compromise a person's relationship status. If he/she is married or in a relationship, they shouldn't be an optionRead More
Originally written on December 16, 2015 It's officially my 23rd birthday and my Sincerely KING blog's first birthday. Exactly one year ago, I relaunched this blog in hopes of encouraging, inspiring, and reigniting passion and purpose in others. One year later, All I can say is wow. God has been incredibly amazing to me. I would've never guessed that my blog would've reached millions of people around the world in just a year. Thank you everyone who has read, subscribed, shared, or liked any of my blog posts. I wouldn't been where I am today without your support. I must be honest with you--some days I felt like I failed you all.Read More
Can I start this post by being flat out honest with you? There have been days where I thought I was ugly. I picked my face apart because I disliked some of my facial features—my nose looked weird sometimes and my bottom lip is slightly bigger than the top. One eye seems more open than the other when I take pictures. My ears look like elves. I was so nitpicky. I’ve even compared myself to other women, more so to admire them and belittle myself. “Her abs are perfect... Her butt looks better than mine… Her nose is perfectly contoured. Her hair texture looks prettier than mine… Her skin is so smooth and flawless…”Read More
Yes ladies I said it: SHUT UP ASKING FOR YOUR HUSBAND! I used to be one of those pathetic women praying dearly every night for God to send me my husband. "Oh God, when are you going to send him?!" I used to spend so many nights fantasizing about my happily ever after. I've spent nights crying in frustration because I got tired of dating those who I already knew weren't "the one" deep down. But then one day, I got tired of complaining. I got tired of waiting. I got tired of having the same old sorry, repetitive prayer to God! I decided to SHUT THE HECK UP AND ENJOY MY LIFE!
There's more to life than marrying a man! Shocking right?! Yes! I know society places big emphasis on a woman's relationship status. If a woman is not married by 30, she's automatically "weird". Something must be wrong with her! After all, a man's opinion of you and decision to offer you a commitment determines your self-worth. THAT'S A LIE! (For those who can't sense my sarcasm).Read More
The P—it’s your power; it’s who you are. It creates your reality and controls your life. It can make you smile in the midst of sorrow. It keeps you pushing forward when everything is trying to push you back. Your P can bring you love, success, and happiness; that’s IF you know how to use it properly! The P—“what is behind your eyes holds more power than what is in front of them” (Gary Zukav)—is your perception.Read More
I've asked myself so many times, "What's wrong with me?" I've been dating for three years and no serious, committed relationships have come from any of it. There have been nights where I would become so frustrated. It seems like the guys who adored me were nice but that's all they were--nice. We lacked common interests, chemistry and connection. Then there's the guy who possesses majority of things you want in a partner. You two begin to talk, click and eventually build. But somewhere along the way, things went left and now your Mr. Future joins your list of Mr. Pasts.
I've wasted so much time analyzing things I could not control--people and the past. "Maybe he was thinking this or that", "maybe I should have reworded that message", "oh crap, I shouldn't have went off--now he thinks I'm crazy and definitely doesn't want me."Read More
I've received emails from quite a few people asking me what a "man fast" is and how to go on one. In a few of my past posts, I mentioned how I went on a man fast, but I never really shared what that experience was like and what I did when I was on it. First, a "man fast" is a period of time where you cut off ALL communication, romance, dates, and non-platonic relationships with men in hopes of growing closer to Christ and discovering yourself. There is no minimum or maximum amount of days to be on one. My man fast lasted a month and a half. Initially, I was in a place of confusion. God had just closed the door on the guy, career path, and housing location I thought He wanted for my life. But by the end of my fast, I was able to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit and learn the true desires He had for me. Now before I proceed discussing this topic any further, please understand that if you are in a God-ordained, loving relationship, I am not telling you to leave your significant other high and dry. This is not a "Girl, Stay single forever... You don't need a man, Independent woman for life" type of post. I think EVERY Queen deserves to meet and live happily ever after with her King. But before any of that occurs, I do believe every woman (and man) should experience a period in life where they are free from distractions and comfort zones in hopes of learning how to trust God, discovering their Queendom and identity, and developing true self confidence. Here is why:Read More
In "The 'New Side Chick': I was Her", I introduced a new role a lot of women play to men who aren't seriously interested in them. In "The New Side Chick Part II: But I Can't Leave Him...", I discussed how to leave those unhealthy, loveless relationships/situationships. But then what?! You find your knight in shining armor and live happily ever after? Ha! I wish that was the case. I have to be honest with you: It's been about 8 months since cutting my ties with Jake, and I am still not fully healed. I've become too guarded over my heart. I began to see every man who does not immediately commit to me as a potential Jake. I wouldn't allow myself to really open up and be vulnerable with another guy, no matter how good they were, because in my mind, they would eventually hurt me. I developed a fear of becoming The New Side Chick again. Often times when we end relationships/situationships, we just leave the title and the person. However, the heartache and blockades around our hearts follow us.Read More