The P—it’s your power; it’s who you are. It creates your reality and controls your life. It can make you smile in the midst of sorrow. It keeps you pushing forward when everything is trying to push you back. Your P can bring you love, success, and happiness; that’s IF you know how to use it properly! The P—“what is behind your eyes holds more power than what is in front of them” (Gary Zukav)—is your perception.Read More
I've asked myself so many times, "What's wrong with me?" I've been dating for three years and no serious, committed relationships have come from any of it. There have been nights where I would become so frustrated. It seems like the guys who adored me were nice but that's all they were--nice. We lacked common interests, chemistry and connection. Then there's the guy who possesses majority of things you want in a partner. You two begin to talk, click and eventually build. But somewhere along the way, things went left and now your Mr. Future joins your list of Mr. Pasts.
I've wasted so much time analyzing things I could not control--people and the past. "Maybe he was thinking this or that", "maybe I should have reworded that message", "oh crap, I shouldn't have went off--now he thinks I'm crazy and definitely doesn't want me."Read More
In "The 'New Side Chick': I was Her", I introduced a new role a lot of women play to men who aren't seriously interested in them. In "The New Side Chick Part II: But I Can't Leave Him...", I discussed how to leave those unhealthy, loveless relationships/situationships. But then what?! You find your knight in shining armor and live happily ever after? Ha! I wish that was the case. I have to be honest with you: It's been about 8 months since cutting my ties with Jake, and I am still not fully healed. I've become too guarded over my heart. I began to see every man who does not immediately commit to me as a potential Jake. I wouldn't allow myself to really open up and be vulnerable with another guy, no matter how good they were, because in my mind, they would eventually hurt me. I developed a fear of becoming The New Side Chick again. Often times when we end relationships/situationships, we just leave the title and the person. However, the heartache and blockades around our hearts follow us.Read More
Do you ever find yourself revisiting goals that you haven't achieved? You started working on that goal, but somehow along the way you got derailed and had to start over? Well you're not alone. My struggle has always been with my body, particularly weight loss. Every few months I find myself setting the goal of having a nice six pack. I work hard in the gym for a few weeks. I begin to see results, so I get excited and "treat myself". After all, I've been working so hard, what harm would some Popeyes chicken and biscuits do? I've noticed that my cheat days become cheat weeks and eventually a cheat month. Then I'm back at square one trying to accomplish the goal of having a lean six pack.
All it takes is ONE moment of temporary satisfaction to kick off a season of long-term unfulfillment. Queens, it's time for us to stop letting short term pleasure affect our long term progress.Read More
Are you easily controlled by sex or are you easily in control of sex? Every day I see a growing amount of men and women becoming controlled by sex or “sexmatized”--the state of letting sex or the idea of having it control your life through your decisions, emotions & standards. Most people have been sexmatized at least once in their life. Below are some common, but not all, sexmatized symptoms:Read More
July 17, 2014:"I have officially hit rock bottom today....It seems like everyone's dreams are coming true except mine. I feel like I've wasted the last 21 years of my life. Every morning I wake up feeling worthless and purposeless. I just want to be happy. I just want to feel wanted. I want to feel meaningful. I don't feel valued. I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like a caged bird trapped and unable to fly..." -Excerpt from Miss T.N. King personal diary
Those are the words of a recent college graduate who had been unemployed for 7 months and hated having to move back home with her parents. I was very close in getting job offers, but none of them fell through. I was so frustrated and depressed. Never in my life have I experienced so much rejection. All I wanted was to move to Texas, be independent, and work in my career. I had spent my entire undergraduate career interning every semester, networking, and consistently making the Dean's List; I couldn't understand why my hard work wasn't paying off.Read More
In my opinion, love is the greatest gift a person can give and receive. People spend a lifetime seeking, chasing, crying, and fighting for love. But what happens when that sweet love turns sour? Your sunny skies turn gray, and the one person you loved the most has given you the biggest heartache. I want to discuss how to let go of toxic relationships and gain the strength to move forward. Since I've published "The 'New' Side Chick: I was Her", a lot of men and women have contacted me sharing their similar experiences and have asked me how to move on from someone you love. I too have faced the same challenge, and through the grace of God, I've made it. Growing up, I've always vowed to never give my heart away. I liked, but wouldn't dare to love. However, all of that changed once I got to college. I met my then Prince Charming my first semester, fell deeply in love, and threw out all of my "player's cards".Read More
A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that's romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship. However after doing some reflecting, I realize that's not the only type of side chick. I want to discuss "the new side chick"--a woman who decides to stay by a man's side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions. So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I've done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer. You're there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally. Why? Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings. You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, ormaybe even just a "good ol time" until what he really wanted was presented to him. I know I sound a bit harsh, but even I had to realize my then-reality for what it was. Simply put: you are not and will never be his Queen.Read More
Every Monday, social media timelines are flooded with women posting pictures of the men they adore with the hash tag #MCM ("Man Crush Monday"). Those who are in relationships, engaged or married usually post a picture of their man with the hashtag #MCE ("Man Crush Everyday"), which signifies that this is the person they are crushing on 24/7. I've been single for the past 2 1/2 years and never partook in #MCM/#MCE. It's not that I didn't want to participate; I just wasn't in an official relationship with anyone. (Side note: I don't believe in publicly broadcasting someone I am just "talking" to.)
However, every week it seemed as if someone new revealed their #MCE. Everyone around me was getting in new relationships, engaged, or married. Meanwhile, I was still single. I became upset because it seemed like all of the women who were getting "cuffed" lacked quality and substance.Read More