ON THE BLOG
LIFE COACHING PROGRAM
A SPECIAL MESSAGE
INSTGRAM @MISSTNKING
We are in the midst of a pandemic and so many of our lives have been turned upside down. Businesses are shut down, layoffs are happening left and right, church’s worship experiences are online only, grocery stores are packed, social gatherings of 10+ people are banned, and unfortunately people all across the globe are testing positive for (and some are dying from) the covid-19 virus.
My biggest struggle in my walk with God has come down to this one word: surrender. I have a strong, type A personality. I’m ambitious, outspoken, and love to “make” things happen. But the downside to this strong dynamic personality of mine is my struggle to relinquish control. I like to do what I want, when I want and how I want.
Have you ever felt like God has forgotten about you? Do you ever grow tired and weary from being obedient and doing what’s right? Have you ever thought when will I see a victory in this situation? I have and most recently did…
I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me.. 4 months to be exact. But my social media detox and writing no new blog posts was intentional.
I remember one weekend I decided to clean my closet and switch out my wardrobe in preparation for the winter. I just knew I didn't have anything and was ready to have an excuse to shop. As I started digging through my drawers and closet, I was shocked at how much stuff I had. I found things that still had the price tag on them. I found cute items that I forgot about and haven't worn in years. The things I thought I lost "magically" appeared. Side note: Don't you love finding things when you aren't looking for them? Now I won't lie, I came across some items that were too small, unflattering, and needed to get thrown out. But once I removed the things that no longer fit me and re-assessed my wardrobe, I realized lacked nothing. I already possessed everything I needed to get through this season.
I felt compelled to share this simple story because I see so many people including myself searching for the pieces they already have. And as a result, we waste our time, money and energy pursuing things we don't need.
Have you ever driven a car with a full tank of gas and the next minute you look down at the dashboard, you see that you're on E? That's what happened to me. One minute I was full of life, thriving and prospering on the road to destiny and the next minute I was empty. It wasn't a depressed or sad type of empty, but rather one where it felt like a piece of myself went away. I felt like my soul had abandoned me--I was going through the motions of life and operating separately from my true identity. I remember one day in particular I asked myself, "How is it possible that I had more peace when I was broke, unemployed, living with my parents, constantly receiving rejection after rejection letter? How is it possible for me to be living in my dream city, working for a great company, affording a great lifestyle, having a flourishing love life and yet feel so bare? How was the one who had nothing had everything and the one who had everything had nothing? How was it possible to have it all and still feel empty?"
"Sometimes in life, your situation will keep repeating itself until you've learned your lesson."
I remember feeling shocked and disappointed as I was reading my diary entries from more than a year ago. Here I was still dealing with the same mess--situationships. More specifically, I kept falling for men who were emotionally unavailable to me. One minute we would be super close then the next minute they were "too busy" (cycle repeats). I found myself on the same emotional roller coaster, going back and forth between telling myself "we're just friends" to wondering "what are we?". I think one of the main reasons good quality Queens foolishly remain in situationships is the idea of "what if".
Everyone sees me, except you. Everyone sees our potential, except you. Everyone sees the sincerity of my heart, except you. Till this day I'll never know why you were blinded to a love so obvious, consistent and pure. Here you had a woman and close friend who's always had your back and would've done anything for you. My loyalty had no expiration and my support was unwavering. But despite me fitting the perfect mold of your ideal woman, you still didn't give us a real chance.
"NO" is one of the most powerful, yet underused words in the dictionary. Perhaps you were once like me, a "yes woman". You go out your way to make others happy; you're overly accommodating. Sometimes you find yourself biting off more than you can chew. You try to please everyone, even at the risk of inconveniencing yourself. You prove your loyalty and support by always being there and saying "yes". You rarely say NO and the few times you say it, it would always be followed by the word "but". "No, BUT...*insert another way to overextend yourself*."
I don't know about you, but it seemed like the more I said "yes", the more I was taken for granted. I turned into a doormat. I felt powerless and unappreciated. I went from being the priority to the option. I was served grade A shit on a silver platter and expected to eat it (unfortunately, some days I did). And like a dusty pair of flared jeans from '07, I was just hanging in the closet waiting for him to put me on. Eventually I grew courage and developed the strength to say NO--sometimes HELL NO if I was really fed up. Then something magical happened: I was able to reclaim my power.
