Overcoming the Struggle to Surrender

My biggest struggle in my walk with God has come down to this one word: surrender. I have a strong, type A personality. I’m ambitious, outspoken, and love to “make” things happen.  But the downside to this strong dynamic personality of mine is my struggle to relinquish control. I like to do what I want, when I want and how I want.

There’s been so many times my spirit has been in a silent turmoil. It feels like a war going on within me and that I’m standing at a fork between two different roads. Will I be led by my flesh or my spirit? Will I follow the normalized trends of the world or be obedient to God’s Word?  Will I believe my logic or trust my faith? Will I depend on my own might and strength or depend on the power of the Holy Spirit? Am I souled out to the culture or the kingdom?

Surrender means to cease resistance and submit to authority. 

Two words catch my attention when I read this definition. The first word that stands out to me is resistance. 

What are you resisting? What areas of your life are you still clinging to? Where are you being stubborn and rebellious?

Are you resisting your present circumstances because you made up in your mind a long time ago that “by now” you would have been further along or reached certain milestones? 

Are you resisting your season of singleness because deep down you have a fear of never finding your spouse?

Are you resisting tithing because you’re afraid you won’t have enough money to cover your bills and needs?

Are you resisting being vulnerable and letting people get close to you because you have a track record of getting your heart broken and betrayed?

Are you resisting taking a leap of faith because you’re afraid to fail and walk into the unknown?

Are you resisting forgiving someone because you think that person doesn’t deserve it? 

Are you resisting apologizing because your pride is too big and you don’t want to look weak?

Are you resisting the decision to be celibate because you’re afraid of being in a “drought” or marrying a man with a little....?

Are you resisting the calling on your life because you’re afraid of the pressure or being unfulfilled?

I can go on and on about things we resist and the lies and fears we tell ourselves.

I’ve struggled with “ceasing resistance” because deep down I didn’t trust God with EVERY area of my life.  I could hand over some parts, but not all! I was too afraid if I surrendered certain areas to Him, He would disappoint me or leave me hanging. The areas I played tug-a-war with God the most were my career, romantic relationships and money—and consequently I experienced the most pain, hurt and emptiness in those areas. I wound up losing myself. (P.S. I wrote a whole book on losing yourself called “I Lost Me When I Found You”, which is on Amazon.)

In Matthew 16:25 Jesus said “If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”

Have you ever messed something up and made it even worse by trying to hold on or fix it?! That’s exactly what we’re doing when we try to always be in control or do everything by our own might and strength while leaving God out of the equation.  Not every trial and tribulation you experience is an attack from “the devil”.  Sometimes it’s YOU: your choices, your unhealthy habits, your stubbornness, your ego, your pride, and your inability to surrender. 

Surrendering saves us from unnecessary pain, stress and drama that God never intended for us to endure. When you learn how to let go and let God that’s when He can do exceedingly above all you can hope for and imagine.  Your Creator knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb.  He knows the end before the beginning.  He is the one, true Source of this universe. Why not trust Him?

In verse 26 of Matthew 16, Jesus continued and said “And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?”

OUCH! The soul is the essence of who you are. How many of us have seen people gain the things of this world but in the process lose something so essential?! It’s like they sell themselves out in the process of striving. They gain all the money in the world, but lose their marriage. They gain all social media followers and likes but lose their morals and identity.  They gain power but lose their peace. They gain fancy connections but lose genuine friendships.

Sis, what are you losing by your inability to surrender?

I’m NOT saying it’s wrong to have nice things, influence, power, money and success—I am a firm believer that God’s desire for us is to live a prosperous and abundant life.  But He wants to know that when it comes down to the “things” vs. Him, you will choose Him every time. You won’t resist His will.  You won’t resist being obedient. You won’t resist following the Word even when you don’t want to or feel like it. God wants your heart, but He will never have it if you keep resisting and rebelling. 

Remember surrender means to cease resistance and submit to authority. Now I want to jump to the second word that stood out to me in the definition: authority.

Who has the final authority in your life? What authority are you submitting to? Is it this unstable world or is it God’s unchanging word?

I used to try to pick and choose what I wanted to follow in the Bible.  I lived a lukewarm life for God. You know, one foot in trying to please God and the other foot in trying to fit in, dabble and be apart “the culture”. And I’m not going to sit up here and lie. When I would do things “my way” and life was going good—chillleeee you couldn’t tell me nothing! But eventually when I would hit rock bottom or experience disappointment, a setback, or pain, I always found myself crying out to God.  

“God deliver me. Help me to get out of this situation. Help me to heal. Help me to *insert request*”. And as soon as He helped me, I eventually convinced myself that I didn’t need to depend on Him as much anymore. I didn’t need to read my Bible consistently, I didn’t need to journal, I didn’t need to go to church, I didn’t need to be obedient.  Why? Because life was back good and my problems were solved.

Isn’t it sad how we use God sometimes? We pursue Him for what He can do instead of for who He is. We want kingdom blessings with culture habits. We want God’s hand to be over our life but we don’t want to surrender the things in our hand. We want to walk in the fullness of God’s promises while being fully disobedient.  We don’t want to step out of our comfort zones and challenge ourselves to a higher standard of living because we’re still stuck in a “my life, my way, right here, right now” mindset. We want to win big while still playing small. We want divine revelation without a divine relationship. 

We quote these scriptures that we like, but then skip over and discredit the other scriptures that convict us and goes against our comfort zone because truth of the matter is we want the benefits and blessings of God but we don’t love Him enough to obey Him.  We just want to use Him for our selfish reasons, let’s keep it real. 

Then when things get hard we declare “all things work together for good”.  But the full scripture is “All things work together for good ACCORDING TO THOSE WHO LOVE HIM”.  Do you really love the Lord or do you just love what He can do for you?  

In John 14:15 Jesus says if you love me, you will keep my commandments. Love is an action. You can SEE love. 

Who do you really love? What does your ACTIONS say? If the world was mute and could form a conclusion about who you are based on the things you do and not on the things they say, would they easily conclude you’re a follower of Christ because of the way you love, serve and treat others? Or would they get mixed signals because you live for God in some areas and then contradict Him in others?

I don’t know about y’all, but eventually I just got tired of running from God. I got tired of being lukewarm and playing tug-a-war. I had to accept the fact that there’s no way I could FULLY mature into the amazing, dynamic woman God has called me to be without FULLY surrendering my life to Him. I couldn’t activate my anointing without activating my obedience. And I couldn’t develop true strength until I learned how to surrender.

When we hear the word surrender we usually think of someone who’s weak, given up or lost a fight or battle.  But surrendering to Christ is a new level of strength.  It takes a divine power within us to develop self-control, love, patience, peace, and obedience.  If these things were easy then the entire world would be doing it.  But why is it so hard for people to have control over their ego and flesh? Because they haven’t surrendered it to a higher power and authority. When you surrender, you activate the divine power of the Holy Spirit to flow into your life and strengthen you in areas that you were once weak.

I don’t know where you are in your walk with God, but if you were like me at one point, I encourage you to fully surrender. God is looking for a vessel for which He can flow through and complete His heavenly will on this earth. And He’s not confined to people in a church or ministry.  He’s looking for someone in business, fashion, technology, social services, education, finance, legal, entertainment etc. However, your obedience and ability to surrender is necessary to activate the anointing over your life. A lukewarm, wavering heart will never fully step into the FULL promises of God because half of you will be standing in your own way. You’re waiting on God, but God is waiting on you. GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY SIS.

Some of you may be hesitant to surrender because you’re so concerned about what other people will think of you (I know I did). I pray that God frees your from the opinion and validation of people.  The truth of the matter is that if you’re in bondage to people, you can never help them. Some of us (me included) have been walking on eggshells for too long because we care way too much about the opinions and labels that other people give us.

I know being a Christian these days isn’t “cool”.  It isn’t easy, popular or praised. We live in a society that normalizes and celebrates dysfunction, disobedience, sin, and selfishness. And if you dare try to live a biblical-based life you are looked at like you’re crazy, weird or ridiculous. You get labeled all kinds of things by not following and accepting the ways of this world. I get it.

But sis, you cannot follow both the ways of the world and the kingdom; eventually you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. A double minded man is unstable in everything because of his lack of commitment. 

Will you commit to ceasing the resistance and submitting to God as the authority over your life?

Here’s the thing that I’ve learned about that “silent turmoil” I mentioned at the beginning of this post: It will never go away.  Surrendering is a daily, deliberate decision. Your flesh and spirit will always be at odds with each other. And every single day you must decide who/what will you surrender to? Will you be led by your flesh or your spirit? Will you follow the normalized trends of the world or be obedient to God’s Word?  Will you believe your logic or trust your faith? Will you depend on your own might and strength or depend on the power of the Holy Spirit? Will you be souled out to the culture or the kingdom?

The choice is yours.

Sincerely,

KING

P.S. Here’s a prayer below that I found on the bible app while doing a devotional on surrendering.

Lord Jesus, I surrender to you. In the power of your Spirit, I will… Go where you want me to go, Do what you want me to do, Say what you want me to say, and Give what you want me to give. For your honor and glory. Amen.