Why I Left a Good Man: A Reminder to the Woman who's Tempted to Settle

I felt like the dumbest girl in the world.  The Universe presented me with a good man who pursued me endlessly (I will reference him as “Sean”).  Sean consistently courted me with respect and set marital intentions.  He was intelligent, attractive, successful and caring.  What differentiated him from some of the other guys I had been seeing was his level of commitment and certainty about me.  He told me from the beginning that he was going to marry me.  And to top it off, he would walk the walk when he talked the talk. Sean was good “on paper” and he treated me well.  Logically, it made sense to be with him.  However, deep down, I felt like something was missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

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What’s in Your Closet: A Self-Examination to Prepare You for a New Season

I remember one weekend I decided to clean my closet and switch out my wardrobe in preparation for the winter.  I just knew I didn't have anything and was ready to have an excuse to shop.  As I started digging through my drawers and closet, I was shocked at how much stuff I had.  I found things that still had the price tag on them.  I found cute items that I forgot about and haven't worn in years.  The things I thought I lost "magically" appeared.   Side note: Don't you love finding things when you aren't looking for them?  Now I won't lie, I came across some items that were too small, unflattering, and needed to get thrown out.  But once I removed the things that no longer fit me and re-assessed my wardrobe, I realized lacked nothing.  I already possessed everything I needed to get through this season.    

I felt compelled to share this simple story because I see so many people including myself searching for the pieces they already have.  And as a result, we waste our time, money and energy pursuing things we don't need.  

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Having It All & Still Feeling Empty

Have you ever driven a car with a full tank of gas and the next minute you look down at the dashboard, you see that you're on E?  That's what happened to me.  One minute I was full of life, thriving and prospering on the road to destiny and the next minute I was empty.  It wasn't a depressed or sad type of empty, but rather one where it felt like a piece of myself went away.  I felt like my soul had abandoned me--I was going through the motions of life and operating separately from my true identity.  I remember one day in particular I asked myself, "How is it possible that I had more peace when I was broke, unemployed, living with my parents, constantly receiving rejection after rejection letter?  How is it possible for me to be living in my dream city, working for a great company, affording a great lifestyle, having a flourishing love life and yet feel so bare?  How was the one who had nothing had everything and the one who had everything had nothing?  How was it possible to have it all and still feel empty?"

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How I Broke My Situationship Curse

"Sometimes in life, your situation will keep repeating itself until you've learned your lesson."

I remember feeling shocked and disappointed as I was reading my diary entries from more than a year ago.  Here I was still dealing with the same mess--situationships.  More specifically, I kept falling for men who were emotionally unavailable to me.  One minute we would be super close then the next minute they were "too busy" (cycle repeats).  I found myself on the same emotional roller coaster, going back and forth between telling myself "we're just friends" to wondering "what are we?".  I think one of the main reasons good quality Queens foolishly remain in situationships is the idea of "what if".

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An Open Letter to the Guy I Wanted

Everyone sees me, except you.  Everyone sees our potential, except you.  Everyone sees the sincerity of my heart, except you.  Till this day I'll never know why you were blinded to a love so obvious, consistent and pure.  Here you had a woman and close friend who's always had your back and would've done anything for you.  My loyalty had no expiration and my support was unwavering.  But despite me fitting the perfect mold of your ideal woman, you still didn't give us a real chance.

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Bye Ugly!!! Hello Beautiful..

Can I start this post by being flat out honest with you?  There have been days where I thought I was ugly.  I picked my face apart because I disliked some of my facial features—my nose looked weird sometimes and my bottom lip is slightly bigger than the top.  One eye seems more open than the other when I take pictures. My ears look like elves. I was so nitpicky.  I’ve even compared myself to other women, more so to admire them and belittle myself. “Her abs are perfect...  Her butt looks better than mine… Her nose is perfectly contoured.  Her hair texture looks prettier than mine…  Her skin is so smooth and flawless…”

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