I've received emails from quite a few people asking me what a "man fast" is and how to go on one. In a few of my past posts, I mentioned how I went on a man fast, but I never really shared what that experience was like and what I did when I was on it. First, a "man fast" is a period of time where you cut off ALL communication, romance, dates, and non-platonic relationships with men in hopes of growing closer to Christ and discovering yourself. There is no minimum or maximum amount of days to be on one. My man fast lasted a month and a half. Initially, I was in a place of confusion. God had just closed the door on the guy, career path, and housing location I thought He wanted for my life. But by the end of my fast, I was able to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit and learn the true desires He had for me. Now before I proceed discussing this topic any further, please understand that if you are in a God-ordained, loving relationship, I am not telling you to leave your significant other high and dry. This is not a "Girl, Stay single forever... You don't need a man, Independent woman for life" type of post. I think EVERY Queen deserves to meet and live happily ever after with her King. But before any of that occurs, I do believe every woman (and man) should experience a period in life where they are free from distractions and comfort zones in hopes of learning how to trust God, discovering their Queendom and identity, and developing true self confidence. Here is why:
1. You Learn to Fully Trust God: I was the girl who always had a man or some type of boo thing. If I wasn't on the phone or texting one, I was preparing to go on a date. Even if I wasn't seriously interested in a guy, I would still entertain him. After all what's wrong with a little fun and entertainment? I wasn't sleeping with any of them, so I didn't see any harm.
Men became my "safety net." Feeling sad? No worries, I just called up one of my boos. If my favorite boo didn't act right? No worries, I just called up my second favorite boo. Need an ego booster and attention when bored? No worries, I just called up “Always Available Aaron”; he was always there at a snap of a finger. See the pattern? Not knowingly, I began to depend on the attention and interaction of man to get me through anything. It wasn't until I removed that safety net that I was able to learn to fully trust God. I remember having a slight anxiety attack about one week into my man fast. I felt horrible and alone--I was SICK of talking to females. I was so used to male companionship; I disliked functioning without it. I was forced to turn to God for comfort. The time I would've been using to entertain a random, I replaced with prayer, writing, meditating, and other goal-oriented tasks. I had to learn that God’s Word is the answer to all things. Feeling sad? Psalms 46:1 says "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Your man isn’t acting right? 1 Peter 5:6 says "Give all your worries and cares to God, for her cares about you." Need an ego booster? Luke 12:7 says “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
When I began to pour into God, He began to pour into me. Queens, man will always let you down, but God will never fail you. It shouldn’t take your husband, boo, or peasant (if that’s what you like) to act up in order for you to turn to God. Stop placing these men on your highest pedestal and quit making God your last resort. It's time that we learn to fully trust and depend on Him through everything because He is all we have at the end of the day.
2. You Discover Your Queendom & True Identity: Your Queendom is your God-assigned destiny. It's a place where you live passionately because you're working toward your purpose. It wasn't until I cleared my life of the daily clutter and random boos, I was able to hear God speak to me. I discovered my purpose and true passions. It was like I had a one-on-one lecture with God. He was the teacher, and I was the student. I'm sitting at the desk listening to Him, while He is showing me on the board all the visions and plans He has ordained in my life. Things just began to click for me. Every rejection and closed door I've ever received became so clear to me on why God blocked it--it simply wasn't aligned to His plans. God blocked the relationship and career plans I wanted simply because they weren’t grand enough for me, his precious daughter. He presented new opportunities to me because He knew that those things would elevate and push me toward my purpose.
You may not be exactly where you want to be in life. However, when you learn to shut up complaining, remove the clutter and listen to the Lord, you’ll discover that your present situation is actually pushing you closer to the future plans He promised you.
Sometimes it's hard to discover your Queendom and identity when you are always attached or involved with someone else. A lot of times women unconsciously begin to identify themselves with their partner's identity. For example, Bae wants to move to Colorado, now all of a sudden you want to move to Colorado. You've suddenly "discovered" a new interest for mountains. -_- You’ve always dreamed of having children. However, Bae doesn't want any children, so you convinced yourself that you don't want any either in attempt to stay “equally yolked” with Bae. -_- You’ve always dreamed of traveling the world and going to graduate school abroad. But Bae wants to live and die in Oklahoma, so you forfeit all of your educational and international pursuits because you’re scared that Bae will break up with you. -_- You begin to identify yourself and desires with Bae's. Then you wonder why you're bitter 20 years from now because Bae has happily pursued his purpose and you're still wishing upon a star. It's important to know your purpose because your King will complement your purpose. No, I'm not saying his career and aspirations will be exactly like yours. However, somehow you two will be able to elevate and push each other closer to your God-assigned destinies. Your Queendom + His Kingdom = Divine Empire. Your Queendom + His Mudshack (vice versa) = Holy Hot Mess!
When you eliminate the influence of man, you're forced to dig deep within yourself to discover your Queendom and true identity. It’s impossible to know your purpose when you don’t take the time to listen and build a relationship with the Creator of your purpose. Once you know who you are and where God has called you to be, it will be easier for you to discern who/what is and isn't right for you.
3. You Develop True Self Confidence: A lot of people have “fake confidence” about themselves, including myself at one point in the past. I call it fake because we depend on the compliments, praises, Instagram likes, and advances from others to validate us. As I stated earlier, I was the girl who always had someone I could call, text, or date. When I stripped all of that from me, I only had myself. I couldn’t depend on the “Good Morning Beautiful” texts from Sam the Sweet random. I had to wake up and tell myself “Good Morning Beautiful Queen who is beautifully and wonderfully created.” Instead of going on dates with randoms, I decided to have “date nights with Jesus”. I would choose any restaurant that I wanted to go to, and I would get a table for one. I would bring my pen and diary with me and write to God as I waited on my food. It was actually pretty enjoyable, refreshing, and peaceful.
“Make time for the quiet moments as God whispers and the world is loud.”
I became comfortable with just me and learned how to listen to God’s whispers. In the past, I was a sucker for free meals (Fun fact: Food is my weakness). However, now I am much more selective in who I give my time to regardless of the benefit. I don’t go on dates with men that I’m not genuinely/seriously interested in anymore—I don’t care how fancy and expensive the restaurant is. My time is more precious and valuable. I developed enough confidence within myself to know that I am a Queen with or without a King. I developed enough confidence to reject randoms and the temporary benefits they offered. I developed enough confidence to know that if my next relationship doesn’t work out (God forbid), it is not the end of the world--I knew how to function alone before him and I will be able to function alone after him.
"To abide somewhere is to dwell there continually; a place where you abide is a place where you are comfortable enough to make yourself at home" (Ben Mandrell).
Where are you abiding? What is your safety net? What is distracting you from hearing God's voice? Are you too busy scrolling on your Instagram timeline immediately when you wake up or do you get on your knees to talk to God when you begin your day? Have you put more effort in your relationship with others than with God? Does your #MCM encourage you to seek Christ and live to your greatest potential? Or does he or you hold yourself back to spare the relationship? Are you always relationship hopping and constantly trying to fill voids? Do you spend your Friday nights on meaningless and purposeless dates with randoms who bore you? When unfortunate events occur, do you depend on Random Randy to pick up your spirits or do you immediately seek joy and serenity through Christ?
The quality of your relationships with others will always be tied to the quality of your relationship with God. When you have a deep & intimate relationship with God, who you entertain, what you pursue, and how you view yourself will change for the better. I encourage everyone to carve out a special period of time--cleared of clutter, randoms and distractions--to seek Christ and His purpose for you.
A Few Quick Updates:
- I was a guest speaker on “Right to R.E.A.L. Love Radio Podcast”, discussing“Escaping Loveless Relationships”. Check it out herehttp://righttoreallove.com/loveless-relationships/ OR Download the Podcast Episode via iTunes or Stitcher Radio (for non-iTune users).
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