I felt like the dumbest girl in the world. The Universe presented me with a good man who pursued me endlessly (I will reference him as “Sean”). Sean consistently courted me with respect and set marital intentions. He was intelligent, attractive, successful and caring. What differentiated him from some of the other guys I had been seeing was his level of commitment and certainty about me. He told me from the beginning that he was going to marry me. And to top it off, he would walk the walk when he talked the talk. Sean was good “on paper” and he treated me well. Logically, it made sense to be with him. However, deep down, I felt like something was missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it.Read More
"Sometimes in life, your situation will keep repeating itself until you've learned your lesson."
I remember feeling shocked and disappointed as I was reading my diary entries from more than a year ago. Here I was still dealing with the same mess--situationships. More specifically, I kept falling for men who were emotionally unavailable to me. One minute we would be super close then the next minute they were "too busy" (cycle repeats). I found myself on the same emotional roller coaster, going back and forth between telling myself "we're just friends" to wondering "what are we?". I think one of the main reasons good quality Queens foolishly remain in situationships is the idea of "what if".
Everyone sees me, except you. Everyone sees our potential, except you. Everyone sees the sincerity of my heart, except you. Till this day I'll never know why you were blinded to a love so obvious, consistent and pure. Here you had a woman and close friend who's always had your back and would've done anything for you. My loyalty had no expiration and my support was unwavering. But despite me fitting the perfect mold of your ideal woman, you still didn't give us a real chance.Read More
"NO" is one of the most powerful, yet underused words in the dictionary. Perhaps you were once like me, a "yes woman". You go out your way to make others happy; you're overly accommodating. Sometimes you find yourself biting off more than you can chew. You try to please everyone, even at the risk of inconveniencing yourself. You prove your loyalty and support by always being there and saying "yes". You rarely say NO and the few times you say it, it would always be followed by the word "but". "No, BUT...*insert another way to overextend yourself*."
I don't know about you, but it seemed like the more I said "yes", the more I was taken for granted. I turned into a doormat. I felt powerless and unappreciated. I went from being the priority to the option. I was served grade A shit on a silver platter and expected to eat it (unfortunately, some days I did). And like a dusty pair of flared jeans from '07, I was just hanging in the closet waiting for him to put me on. Eventually I grew courage and developed the strength to say NO--sometimes HELL NO if I was really fed up. Then something magical happened: I was able to reclaim my power.Read More
I've spent my entire life under the assumption that one day I'll meet my King and become his Queen. I've spent all of my relationships putting forth endless effort--gluing broken pieces just to still have an ornament of love. I've spent my season of singleness trying to be a "virtuous" woman--remaining God-fearing, abstaining from sex for 4+ years, encouraging/uplifting others, loving without limits, being moral, etc. Then it finally hit me, "I'm doing all of this and I still may never find my life partner to share mutual love, romance, commitment and companionship. Is it even worth abstaining from sex in hopes of sharing a special moment with a man that may not exist? Does being the good girl really pay off?" To this very day, these type of questions haunt me. My last serious committed relationship ended 4 years ago. Never in a million years I thought I would remain a single woman for the next 4+ years, or not find someone who cares about me as much as I care about them. After all, I've always been considered a great catch--the good ones don't get left behind right? While I was in deep thought I asked myself, "What happens if you don't find your life partner in another 4 years, and then 4 more years after that, and so forth? How does life look for you? Will you hit rock bottom and act erratically because your prayers have remained unanswered? Will you settle for some man that you don't truly love for the sake of companionship? Will you let your self-confidence diminish and believe you're not enough?"Read More
Even I still have my freak out moments--moments where I begin to lose faith & patience. Even after God puts a vision in my heart & tells me "I will lead you to this, just trust me", I still fall short and try to take matters in my own hands. I begin to put my faith & trust into the things around me instead of the One who lives in me. If you've ever began to lose hope or grow weary while waiting on your "happily ever after"--whether that includes a career change, new relationship, promotion, new car, house, financial gain/increase, marriage, etc--remember: God is faithful, we are forgetful.Read More
Fighting sexual temptation is not easy at all. I've been doing it for almost 4 years. Though it's been a challenge and struggle at times, it's been a huge blessing for me. I can't think of a man that I regret not having sex with. When I look back on all the men I've dated these past few years, I don't think "Geez! I should've had sex with him. I made a huge mistake not giving him my body & making him 'another number'!" At the end of the day, when the "honeymoon phase" was over, I was able to see their true colors loud and clear. Withholding sex gave me better judgement and as a result it was easier for me to walk away from peasants. Now please don't get it twisted. I'm human--I get urges & have desires.Read More
PSA: Ladies, just because that man doesn't want you doesn't automatically mean something is wrong with you!
Remember: A peasant's appraiser is man. A Queen's appraiser is the Creator of man, God.
Man's rejection is God's protection. Sometimes God will blind your beauty & worth to a peasant to spare you from settling with someone who is undeserving. With that being said, always remain confident in WHO you are & WHOSE you are!Read More
Can't get over that man who seemed "so perfect" for you? Are you too busy trying to re-open doors that God already closed? Do you find yourself pursuing him and putting in too much effort? Do you struggle with letting go and going separate ways with someone you cared about?Read More
QTNA: What dating expectations are you willing to compromise? Is it their fashion/style? Looks? Bank Account? Height? Fitness/Physique? Hygiene? Personality traits? Etc? No person comes as a perfect package, so it's important for YOU to decide what you actually need vs. what you can compromise. I forgot to mention this in the video: we never compromise a person's relationship status. If he/she is married or in a relationship, they shouldn't be an optionRead More
Yes ladies I said it: SHUT UP ASKING FOR YOUR HUSBAND! I used to be one of those pathetic women praying dearly every night for God to send me my husband. "Oh God, when are you going to send him?!" I used to spend so many nights fantasizing about my happily ever after. I've spent nights crying in frustration because I got tired of dating those who I already knew weren't "the one" deep down. But then one day, I got tired of complaining. I got tired of waiting. I got tired of having the same old sorry, repetitive prayer to God! I decided to SHUT THE HECK UP AND ENJOY MY LIFE!
There's more to life than marrying a man! Shocking right?! Yes! I know society places big emphasis on a woman's relationship status. If a woman is not married by 30, she's automatically "weird". Something must be wrong with her! After all, a man's opinion of you and decision to offer you a commitment determines your self-worth. THAT'S A LIE! (For those who can't sense my sarcasm).Read More
The P—it’s your power; it’s who you are. It creates your reality and controls your life. It can make you smile in the midst of sorrow. It keeps you pushing forward when everything is trying to push you back. Your P can bring you love, success, and happiness; that’s IF you know how to use it properly! The P—“what is behind your eyes holds more power than what is in front of them” (Gary Zukav)—is your perception.Read More
I've asked myself so many times, "What's wrong with me?" I've been dating for three years and no serious, committed relationships have come from any of it. There have been nights where I would become so frustrated. It seems like the guys who adored me were nice but that's all they were--nice. We lacked common interests, chemistry and connection. Then there's the guy who possesses majority of things you want in a partner. You two begin to talk, click and eventually build. But somewhere along the way, things went left and now your Mr. Future joins your list of Mr. Pasts.
I've wasted so much time analyzing things I could not control--people and the past. "Maybe he was thinking this or that", "maybe I should have reworded that message", "oh crap, I shouldn't have went off--now he thinks I'm crazy and definitely doesn't want me."Read More
I've received emails from quite a few people asking me what a "man fast" is and how to go on one. In a few of my past posts, I mentioned how I went on a man fast, but I never really shared what that experience was like and what I did when I was on it. First, a "man fast" is a period of time where you cut off ALL communication, romance, dates, and non-platonic relationships with men in hopes of growing closer to Christ and discovering yourself. There is no minimum or maximum amount of days to be on one. My man fast lasted a month and a half. Initially, I was in a place of confusion. God had just closed the door on the guy, career path, and housing location I thought He wanted for my life. But by the end of my fast, I was able to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit and learn the true desires He had for me. Now before I proceed discussing this topic any further, please understand that if you are in a God-ordained, loving relationship, I am not telling you to leave your significant other high and dry. This is not a "Girl, Stay single forever... You don't need a man, Independent woman for life" type of post. I think EVERY Queen deserves to meet and live happily ever after with her King. But before any of that occurs, I do believe every woman (and man) should experience a period in life where they are free from distractions and comfort zones in hopes of learning how to trust God, discovering their Queendom and identity, and developing true self confidence. Here is why:Read More
In "The 'New Side Chick': I was Her", I introduced a new role a lot of women play to men who aren't seriously interested in them. In "The New Side Chick Part II: But I Can't Leave Him...", I discussed how to leave those unhealthy, loveless relationships/situationships. But then what?! You find your knight in shining armor and live happily ever after? Ha! I wish that was the case. I have to be honest with you: It's been about 8 months since cutting my ties with Jake, and I am still not fully healed. I've become too guarded over my heart. I began to see every man who does not immediately commit to me as a potential Jake. I wouldn't allow myself to really open up and be vulnerable with another guy, no matter how good they were, because in my mind, they would eventually hurt me. I developed a fear of becoming The New Side Chick again. Often times when we end relationships/situationships, we just leave the title and the person. However, the heartache and blockades around our hearts follow us.Read More
Are you easily controlled by sex or are you easily in control of sex? Every day I see a growing amount of men and women becoming controlled by sex or “sexmatized”--the state of letting sex or the idea of having it control your life through your decisions, emotions & standards. Most people have been sexmatized at least once in their life. Below are some common, but not all, sexmatized symptoms:Read More
July 17, 2014:"I have officially hit rock bottom today....It seems like everyone's dreams are coming true except mine. I feel like I've wasted the last 21 years of my life. Every morning I wake up feeling worthless and purposeless. I just want to be happy. I just want to feel wanted. I want to feel meaningful. I don't feel valued. I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like a caged bird trapped and unable to fly..." -Excerpt from Miss T.N. King personal diary
Those are the words of a recent college graduate who had been unemployed for 7 months and hated having to move back home with her parents. I was very close in getting job offers, but none of them fell through. I was so frustrated and depressed. Never in my life have I experienced so much rejection. All I wanted was to move to Texas, be independent, and work in my career. I had spent my entire undergraduate career interning every semester, networking, and consistently making the Dean's List; I couldn't understand why my hard work wasn't paying off.Read More
In my opinion, love is the greatest gift a person can give and receive. People spend a lifetime seeking, chasing, crying, and fighting for love. But what happens when that sweet love turns sour? Your sunny skies turn gray, and the one person you loved the most has given you the biggest heartache. I want to discuss how to let go of toxic relationships and gain the strength to move forward. Since I've published "The 'New' Side Chick: I was Her", a lot of men and women have contacted me sharing their similar experiences and have asked me how to move on from someone you love. I too have faced the same challenge, and through the grace of God, I've made it. Growing up, I've always vowed to never give my heart away. I liked, but wouldn't dare to love. However, all of that changed once I got to college. I met my then Prince Charming my first semester, fell deeply in love, and threw out all of my "player's cards".Read More
A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that's romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship. However after doing some reflecting, I realize that's not the only type of side chick. I want to discuss "the new side chick"--a woman who decides to stay by a man's side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions. So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I've done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer. You're there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally. Why? Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings. You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, ormaybe even just a "good ol time" until what he really wanted was presented to him. I know I sound a bit harsh, but even I had to realize my then-reality for what it was. Simply put: you are not and will never be his Queen.Read More
Every Monday, social media timelines are flooded with women posting pictures of the men they adore with the hash tag #MCM ("Man Crush Monday"). Those who are in relationships, engaged or married usually post a picture of their man with the hashtag #MCE ("Man Crush Everyday"), which signifies that this is the person they are crushing on 24/7. I've been single for the past 2 1/2 years and never partook in #MCM/#MCE. It's not that I didn't want to participate; I just wasn't in an official relationship with anyone. (Side note: I don't believe in publicly broadcasting someone I am just "talking" to.)
However, every week it seemed as if someone new revealed their #MCE. Everyone around me was getting in new relationships, engaged, or married. Meanwhile, I was still single. I became upset because it seemed like all of the women who were getting "cuffed" lacked quality and substance.Read More