An Open Letter to the Guy I Wanted

Everyone sees me, except you.  Everyone sees our potential, except you.  Everyone sees the sincerity of my heart, except you.  Till this day I'll never know why you were blinded to a love so obvious, consistent and pure.  Here you had a woman and close friend who's always had your back and would've done anything for you.  My loyalty had no expiration and my support was unwavering.  But despite me fitting the perfect mold of your ideal woman, you still didn't give us a real chance.

I don't understand how you say I'm this amazing, beautiful Queen but not want this "amazing, beautiful Queen" as your own.  I don't understand how you can confide in me about your life and private matters but not trust me with your heart.  I don't understand how you're quick to date and take a chance with these random women but hesitant in giving your all to the only woman that's been consistent.  That's like turning down a VVS diamond so you can have a rhinestone from Claire's.

In the midst of me trying to make logical sense of your foolishness, I found myself stuck on you.   I thought if I did not put any pressure on you and remained quiet and patient, that somehow you'll eventually come to the realization that it was always me--the woman of your dreams.  However in the process of me hoping that you would "wake up", I ended up going out with another guy.  The way this man treated made me realize one thing: I've been giving you waayyyy too much credit.  You see, all of this time I had you on this high pedestal and inflated your small efforts to be major milestones.  But in reality, you've been giving me your bare minimum (and sometimes your efforts--or should I say lack thereof--made you fall below that).

They say, "you show your worth by what you seek".  And after evaluating what I bring to the table, I realized that I am seeking the best, not the bare minimum.  I'm seeking effort, not excuses.  I'm seeking to be treated like a priority, not like an option.  I'm seeking time, not texts.  I'm seeking to be pursued, not played.  I'm seeking clarity, not confusion.  I'm seeking a man that wants to put in work, not someone who wants a free ride.  And unfortunately, I realized that I'm seeking something you're not willing to give.  And for that reason, you're now the guy I wanted and no longer the guy I want.

One of life's beauties is the gift of free will.  We create our destiny through the seeds we choose to sow daily.  I had to realize and accept that you were not looking to sow the same seed that I was trying to plant--love.  And at that moment I had two choices:  I could continue to force my seed of love in your garden or I could plant my seed in a garden where it will be watered and cultivated.   I chose the latter.  If I want love, I must choose to sow it, be it and surround myself with it.  And as I'm doing that, I must remove any weeds that will prevent my flower of love from growing and blossoming.  Unfortunately, waiting for you to wake up and come around was a weed inhibiting my growth.  Accepting your bare minimum prevented God's best from growing in my garden.  While it's been tough and painful removing these weeds, I know that my harvest can only be as good as the seeds I plant.

Please know that there isn't any hard feelings or animosity on my end.  I wish you and your harvest nothing but the best.  However, it's time for me to sow the seeds I'm seeking to reap.


The Girl that realized she should want more

In my letter I stated a famous quote, "you show your worth by what you seek".  I want to add that you show your worth by WHO you seek.  Too often, we waste our energy seeking the wrong people--people who don't want us, deserve us, love us, care about us, etc.  And as a result, those relationships and interactions produce weeds instead of flowers in our gardens.  Then we have the audacity to wonder why we keep going in circles or why things aren't working out.  Check the seeds that you're sowing daily.  You can only reap what you sow.  Ask yourself: Are the seeds you're sowing leading you to where you ultimately want to be in life?   Is the company you keep positively contributing to your harvest, or are they drying you out?

For every gain, there will be a loss.  Some of you may want to gain a loving relationship, new job, better body or healthier mindset but you're not willing to lose and pull the weeds that's stunting your growth.  The Universe will only give you what you put out.  In order to get, you must give.  In order to grow, you must first be honest about what you want, what you need, what you feel and who you are.  Before I wrote this open letter, I had to very honest with myself and peel through the layers I tried to hide and protect.  In the midst of me putting my heart in front of a mirror, I found my truth.  Once I discovered my truth, I was able examine the areas of my life that did or did not align with that truth.  From there, I took action to change the areas of my life that weren't harvesting the fruits I wanted to produce.

Queens, what is your truth?  More importantly, are the seeds you're planting aligned with that truth?

You are the master of your destiny, so stop letting other people control it.  Stop living in fear, stop settling for the bare minimums and stop masking your truth for acceptance and validation.  God created you to excel in this life.  Start putting your energy in the things that will bring about excellence.  Go where you are wanted, celebrated, loved and appreciated.  You are worth it all.