I felt like the dumbest girl in the world. The Universe presented me with a good man who pursued me endlessly (I will reference him as “Sean”). Sean consistently courted me with respect and set marital intentions. He was intelligent, attractive, successful and caring. What differentiated him from some of the other guys I had been seeing was his level of commitment and certainty about me. He told me from the beginning that he was going to marry me. And to top it off, he would walk the walk when he talked the talk. Sean was good “on paper” and he treated me well. Logically, it made sense to be with him. However, deep down, I felt like something was missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it.Read More
"Sometimes in life, your situation will keep repeating itself until you've learned your lesson."
I remember feeling shocked and disappointed as I was reading my diary entries from more than a year ago. Here I was still dealing with the same mess--situationships. More specifically, I kept falling for men who were emotionally unavailable to me. One minute we would be super close then the next minute they were "too busy" (cycle repeats). I found myself on the same emotional roller coaster, going back and forth between telling myself "we're just friends" to wondering "what are we?". I think one of the main reasons good quality Queens foolishly remain in situationships is the idea of "what if".
"NO" is one of the most powerful, yet underused words in the dictionary. Perhaps you were once like me, a "yes woman". You go out your way to make others happy; you're overly accommodating. Sometimes you find yourself biting off more than you can chew. You try to please everyone, even at the risk of inconveniencing yourself. You prove your loyalty and support by always being there and saying "yes". You rarely say NO and the few times you say it, it would always be followed by the word "but". "No, BUT...*insert another way to overextend yourself*."
I don't know about you, but it seemed like the more I said "yes", the more I was taken for granted. I turned into a doormat. I felt powerless and unappreciated. I went from being the priority to the option. I was served grade A shit on a silver platter and expected to eat it (unfortunately, some days I did). And like a dusty pair of flared jeans from '07, I was just hanging in the closet waiting for him to put me on. Eventually I grew courage and developed the strength to say NO--sometimes HELL NO if I was really fed up. Then something magical happened: I was able to reclaim my power.Read More